Most days, I love being a tugboat wife and leading a tugboat life. Today is not one of those days.
Let me back up to say that years before I was a tugboat wife, I was a Navy wife. I was used to deployments and separations. I was used to holidays alone and going days (sometimes weeks or even months) not hearing from my husband. When Butch took this job, the 7 days apart didn't really bother us because of this. Besides, I can ride out to the dock most anytime they aren't busy and see him if I need to or want to. And in case of true emergencies, he can come home.
We often get asked how we manage to keep our relationship strong when we only spend half the year together. It does provide challenges. Butch misses a lot, and I find myself either telling him the same thing multiple times because I forgot I already told him, or not telling him at all because I thought I already had.
In all honesty though, when people ask how we work to keep our marriage strong when we are apart so much, my answer usually surprises them. I tell them it is BECAUSE we are apart so much that it IS so strong. Butch and I did a little calculating...
If he worked an average 40 hour work week for 52 weeks a year, taking commute time and vacation and 8 hours a night for sleep into the calculations, we would be apart or asleep for roughly 5,213 hours per year.
On the tug, he works 26 weeks a year for 24 hour shifts. Figuring in commute time, work and sleep time, we are apart or asleep roughly 5,306 hours a year.
Therefore, even though it seems we are apart much more than average couples we really aren't. However, it's the communication, both when he IS home and when he IS NOT home that matters. It's the everyday things that he misses, like when our cats do
something funny or the Princess comes up with something. I tend to send
him a lot of pictures from my phone, things like the cat in a pile of
torn up toilet paper or a plate full of something I cooked. It's an
effort to make him feel included in our everyday home life, even when he
isn't home. And we text, all day long. Little things, like an "I love you" or "I miss you" or "Guess what the Princess just said?" that make us stay connected. He sends me pictures of what the crew is grilling for dinner or of a ship coming into the harbor. We talk off and on all day, whether through text or calls, and some days it feels like we have talked ALL DAY!
Today isn't one of those days though. In fact, it hasn't been one of those weeks. I feel very alone today, and this week has seemed long. It's been a week of a stopped up garbage disposal and tons of bills to pay. Today was a rainy cold day, and while I was running errands our truck wouldn't start when I tried to leave my first stop. I ended up getting it jumped off, and drove to the parts store. In the midst of the whole "Is it the battery/alternator/starter/connectors" issues, I felt very alone. Butch was on the tug, and seemed a million miles away. My Dad died when I was 21. Our best friend was celebrating his birthday clear across town. I don't have a brother. My closest brother in law is 3 hours away.And my other guy best friend was unpacking his moving truck having just moved back here.
In the middle of the auto parts store, sitting on a bench, as hard as I fought to stop it, I cried. I just cried. I felt very alone, and helpless. I was angry, because I couldn't fix the truck myself. I was scared, because I knew funds were limited and I didn't know what a starter/alternator/battery/connectors would cost. I felt very small and insignificant. And I felt ridiculous because I was CRYING in the auto parts store!!!!!!
I prayed. I reminded myself that God always provides and that He never leave us or forsakes us. I could hear the Scriptures in my head, reminding me that God was all of these things.....my provider of finances, my Daddy, my brother, and my friend. And that He ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES!
And just like God, it turned out that the battery was under full warranty, and that it was replaced for free. When the guy replaced my battery, he found it wasn't connecting well and filed some rust off of the connectors for me. I turned around, and my very dear friend who was in the process of moving had come to help me. Isn't it amazing how God always knows exactly what we need? A diagnosis of my truck issue, free replacement of the battery, free installation (and connection rust removal to boot) of the battery, and a big hug from a friend. Isn't that just like God?????
So Butch comes home tonight, and in just a few hours of him being here all will be right in my world again. It's just been a bad week. It happens. But you know what? The week is almost over, and the sun will rise again tomorrow. And as always...my God, my Jehovah Jireh, my Jehovah Roi, my Jehovah Shalom....will be right there with me.
